Hi everyone! Bowser, again.

Like I had mentioned in the previous devlog, some tweaks and changes have been made to Days 1, 2, and 3. I'll list off the changes in order.

Side note, my descriptions are quite thorough. My goal is to explain myself as much as possible, but also to provide extra details that could be helpful to aspiring VN writers. Please learn from my mistakes!

• Eddy is now Eddy. The player can no longer rename him.
  • This was a bit of a tough decision, especially since this change is coming two whole years after the initial game has been launched. I had to consult with folks in the ChoPro Discord  ensure I wasn't creating any major issues with this decision.
  • The main reason I made this decision is because Eddy is his own person. At first, I wanted to make him more of a blank-slate type character where the player can project themselves onto him. But that's just not how things are panning out. Eddy has his own unique backstory, personality, and flaws. As such, I think it's best to let him be "Eddy."
  • Another big factor in this decision is voice acting. There are several times I've had to scrap or rewrite lines because my voice actors could not say the word "Eddy." To be honest, when I first encountered this problem, that should have been the first sign to change course.
  • Lastly, it just makes things easier for me when I write. I can type the word "Eddy" instead of "[CharacterName]" in drafts and script. I've mistakenly put the name "Eddy" instead of the variable in published copies of ChoPro. Eliminating the chance of this happening in the first place is the best way to handle it, in my opinion.
  • Depending on where your last save is, the MC's name may still populate as your chosen name for a short time. I put in some redundant code that'll reassign the MC's name to "Eddy". Eventually, your chosen name will received Eddy-fied.
  • I'm hoping this didn't break anyone's saves… I didn't break any of mine, and my Patrons haven't complained. So it should be good!
  • I know a lot of people liked naming the main character. And I'm sorry for affording you that luxury just to take it away. That said, this is a decision I should have made over a year ago. It was time.
• The deodorant passage at the beginning of the story is now gone.
  • The choice the player made, and frankly the entire passage itself, didn't contribute anything of value to the game.
  • The main reason I added it in the first place was to introduce the player to the choice mechanic. I always keep in mind that my VN might be the very first one someone ever plays. So, I wanted to keep in mind a game design ethos that would be friendly to people new to the genre.
  • That said, I also introduce the choice mechanic when Eddy picks out his underwear. The underwear choice also has zero impact on the game, so it serves the same role of introducing the player to the choice mechanic just as, if not more, effectively than the deodorant option.
  • This also eliminates the conversation with Chester where he sniffs out the player's chosen deodorant.
• The passage about the beach trip on Labor Day is gone. This was part of the conversation Chester and Eddy have in Chester's car on Day 1.
  • I AM NOT ABANDONING THE BEACH EPISODE IDEA. I know a lot of people want that. I want it too!
  • Day 1 is jam packed full of information. I think the invitation to the beach is just too much. I can finesse the beach day in future builds.
  • My original plan was to have beach day be the weekend after show night. But, I then changed my mind and wanted to give at least one weekend where the player and their love interest can spend some time alone together before getting crammed into a beach house with the rest of the cast.
  • Right now, I need to do more thinking and planning on how I want to integrate beach day. It's not a scrapped idea, but I want to be more methodical about how I implement it.
  • Side note, pool party day I think will give you all that "beach day fix" you're looking for, haha. So, even if I do decide to scrap the beach day idea, we still get to see all the characters in their swimwear u.u
• Eddy's thought spirals in Day 1 have been restructured to be more purposeful.
  • I originally wrote these little breakdowns as a less experienced writer. I didn't have a whole lot of intention behind them, and they ended up being very same-y. The first and second little episodes have been completely rewritten.
  • If you'd like to re-read these moments for yourself, go on ahead! But I'll summarize what I changed for those who don't want to:
    • Eddy's first little thought spiral occurs right before his first team meeting. In the original build, he laments how lonely he feels and how much he craves a relationship with a man after admiring Chester and Dave's marriage. With the rewrite, I decided it was best to touch on his insecurities with work and the imposter syndrome he feels being a non-musician working at Chronicles.
    • Eddy's second thought spiral occurs at Pollos Locos after having lunch with Darrell. Here, I focus more on Eddy's romantic frustrations. He now details how he doesn’t feel desirable and describes his guilt for sexualizing other men flippantly. This is similar to the previous breakdown, but I did entirely rewrite it.
    • Eddy's third thought spiral occurs when Pat asks him the invasive "would you rather" question. This has been mostly UN-changed from the most previous build of ChoPro. This touches on Eddy's sexual frustrations.
    • All together, these three breakdowns detail the three main insecurities Eddy has: professional, romantic, and sexual.
    • These breakdowns are also as brief as I can make them. Perhaps some more condensing could be done in the future, but I've done my best.
• The little "Vine" joke "I thought you were American" is gone.
  • You all may remember from Build 0 I put in a lot of Vine references. Back in the early 2020's, we were still mourning the loss of our beloved app, and it was a staple of internet humor at the time. This hasn't aged super well.
  • On top of that, readers often found themselves very confused and frustrated by the joke. I think for a select group of people, the joke is a home run. For others, it's a weird inconvenience that has zero payoff. On top of that, the joke was extremely shoe-horned into the script.
  • I don't want to completely eliminate referential humor from my script. That said, I'd rather lean more into my own jokes instead of calling on other people's jokes. Plus, it makes the jokes I do tell more inclusive.
  • I'm keeping in "Oh my God, they were roommates," and "it's Wednesday, my dude," because those were much more organically integrated into the script.
  • All-in-all, referential humor will be kept at a minimum going forward.
• During Day 1, Chester and Eddy discuss Chester's workplace ethos where he allows his employees to work at any position that suits them best. This discussion has been moved to Day 2.
  
  • In the interest of trimming the fat from Day 1, the discussion about Chester wanting April, Pat, and Eddy to work the jobs that they find the most interesting has been moved to the team meeting on Day 2.
• Deleted text message from Mom on Day 1.
  • The text doesn't really add anything. Just more fluff that has no pay off.
  • The phone calls to Mom and Dad are the same on Day 5 (both routes).
• Restructured Eddy and April's fight in the car on the morning of Day 2.
  • The famous/infamous line uttered by Eddy is still there. IYKYK.
    • I did consider removing it. I've seen a handful of people on Twitter share that line out of context and use it as an argument to deter people from reading ChoPro. TBH, I've decided to not care. If you judge an entire VN based on one line of dialogue out of context, you have the media literacy skills of a cantaloupe. I don't want you reading my story if that's how you approach media analysis.
    • I think the line works well in the argument. It's meant to be shocking and gross. It shows how far Eddy can go when he's mad. Despite his best friend being a sapphic trans women, he's capable of saying things that are misogynistic and lesbophobic. What's important is how April and Eddy address that.
  • On that note, I restructured the conversation a bit to make it clearer that this is a teaching moment for Eddy. It's also meant to be the point where Eddy & April finally find some common ground and strengthen their friendship.
  • What I want the reader to take away from that whole exchange is that our internalized biases and bigotry can come to the surface from time to time. It happens to everyone. Yes, even you, dear reader. What's important is how you address it.
• Restructured some of Eddy & Trent's first encounter.
  • Made some minor changes to the flow and pacing and added a couple of extra lines to illustrate an important takeaway from that interaction. That takeaway is how Eddy's retail experience has created many insecurities for him.
  • It's fun to see how some people take away different things from this encounter. In the interest of that, I really wanted to balance the encounter some more, making neither Trent nor Eddy "right" in this situation.
    • Side note. I never intended either one to be "right". Trent's being very blunt and Eddy's being very sensitive. I purposely made the scene as neutral as I could so the reader can decide.
  • The purpose of creating friction between these two characters is to make things more interesting once they find ways to overcome that friction. I didn't want every character introduction to be overwhelmingly positive. It's unrealistic, and frankly, not super interesting.
    • On a bit of a tangent, this is where I think Cliff went wrong. As much as I (and many of you) love our capyboy, he consistently ranks the lowest in my survey polls. Cliff has many positive qualities, but not too many that are relatable. His flaws will come up later, but he doesn't show very many of them. I think this has made him a bit boring, unfortunately. That said, I don't really plan on going back and "fixing" this. To rectify this problem, it would require extensive rewrites. Cliff will remain as he is.
• Restructured some of the gym time during day 3.
  • Nothing much changed. Mostly just condensing info that was already there. I did the same during my last revision of day 3.
  • Chester specifies that Chromantic instruments was ~200 years old. It is now only ~100 years old.
    • This timeline is more congruent with my vision for Trent's route.
• Added apology during lunch with Trent.
  • After reviewing this interaction, I noticed that Eddy shows remorse but never delivers a formal apology to Trent. That's a bit out of character for him. He goes out of his way to apologize when he knows he did something wrong. 

There are a handful of small changes there were also made that are not worth mentioning. These small changes mostly consisted of eliminating unnecessary text and condensing what's already there.

This is by far, the most errata I've made to the story for a single update. If you've been reading the story from the beginning, there's a couple of other times I've made changes. Check out my Build 3 Errata Devlog and my Build 4 Errata Devlog for more info, if you need it.

I'll be reviewing Days 4, 5, & 6 sometime down the line. I'll make another errata devlog if I find anything significant that needs to be changed. That said, it was around Build 2 (Day 4) when I really started to get into the groove of writing. So I likely won't be changing too much.

Alright, Chordies. Sorry for the long devlog. I think the #1 priority was to explain why the MC could no longer be renamed.

If you have any questions, please leave them below. Take care, y'all! 

Illustration of Darrell for thumbnail was by Cream.